For them, trust is always an issue, often leading to distortions of reality and paranoia.You’re seen as either for or against them and must take their side.Following a passionate beginning, expect a stormy relationship that includes accusations and anger, jealousy, bullying, control, and breakups due to the insecurity of the person with BPD. They fluctuate dramatically between idealizing and devaluing you and may suddenly and sporadically shift throughout the day. Their intense, labile emotions elevate you when they’re in good spirits and crush you when they’re not. If you’re on the outs with them, all their bad feelings get projected onto you.They can be vindictive and punish you with words, silence, or other manipulations, which can be very destructive to your self-esteem.Unlike bipolar disorder, their moods shift quickly and aren’t a departure from their normal self. Their emotions, behavior, and unstable relationships, including work history, reflect a fragile, shame-based self-image.This is often marked by sudden shifts, sometimes to the extent that they feel nonexistent. Thus, they’re dependent on others and may frequently seek advice from several people about the same question on the same day.In the process, they give over more and more control to the borderline and further seal their low self-esteem and the couple’s codependency. Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking. Both strategies require that you build his or her self-esteem, learn to be assertive, and derive outside emotional support. BPD usually is diagnosed in young adulthood when there has been a pattern of impulsivity and instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions.Giving in to them and giving them control does not make them feel more safe, but the opposite. BPD affects women more than men and about two percent of the U. They may use alcohol, food, or drugs or other addiction to try to self-medicate their pain, but it only exacerbates it.
Your illness distorts your perceptions, causing antagonistic behavior and making the world a perilous place.On the other hand, they equally fear the romantic merger they try to create, because they’re afraid of being dominated or swallowed up by too much intimacy.In a close relationship, they must walk a tightrope to balance the fear of being alone or of being too close.To do so, they try to control with commands or manipulation, including flattery and seduction.Whereas narcissists enjoy being understood, too much understanding frightens the borderline.