Jesus says, “Her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little” (Luke ). If dating is moving towards marriage, and you learn of a sexual history, recognize that you were never pursuing this person so that you could be the — for as long as they both shall live.
To marry someone with a past is not “settling,” but can be a great gift. What he meant for evil — to harm or demoralize us — God often means for our good (Genesis ). The promiscuous King Solomon knew firsthand: satisfaction is measured, not in terms of what a person can do in fifteen minutes, but what they can do with fifteen years: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? By trying to measure up to past sexual partners, we give the past power that it neither has, nor should be thought to have.
Obsession, because you want to let the past be the past, but only after your own morbidly detailed investigation — and because you stubbornly refuse to be rejected and overlooked for the purity which you’ve guarded so diligently.
The reflex reaction of the insecure is to quantify oneself, especially physically: to rush to numbers for security, to resort to inches to feel worthy, to run to the scale to feel loveable.
Give them the grace of knowing that their past doesn’t define them.Is this a man or woman manifestly, not flawlessly, marked by the grace of God, a grace that forgives and makes new?Am I willing to entrust and commit myself — my heart, my time, my gifts — to this particular work-in-process child of God?Here are six truths to help still your heart, quiet the lies, and proceed with compassionate caution and wisdom in a relationship with someone who has a sexual history. Whether you measure up to anyone else or not, if you buy into the lie that love should be quantified, you destroy real intimacy.When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.