Johnson recommends offering your partner "invisible support."What the hell is "invisible support? Johnson explains, and I think you'll like it, Studies suggest offering support your partner may not even be aware of, but would still be a helpful gesture, like taking care of a sink full of dirty dishes they haven't seen yet.
You can offer support, just don't draw attention to it.
They’re still the person you fancy and (hopefully) love, they’re just dealing with a brain that keeps f*cking them over.
We’re fine with explaining how it feels to you, but it’s really not our job to educate you on mental illness and what causes depression. I don’t cry 24/7 and I doubt that many depressed people do. We know it’s not a big deal that we’ve lost our socks. It’s just our depression muddies up any excitement or joy we’d usually feel. So don’t assume we’ve magically cured ourselves of depression because we’ve told you we’ve been fine for the last few weeks. Actually expressing that we might need medication is deeply, deeply scary.
And it can get frustrating dating someone who just can’t seem to get their head around it or – worse – ‘doesn’t believe’ in being depressed (IT’S NOT A UNICORN, IT’S A MEDICALLY DEFINED ILLNESS). Don’t doubt us if sometimes we’re perfectly happy and able to get on with things, then can’t get out of bed the next day. But we’re still going to cry and hate ourselves for it. Listen to our entirely illogical explanation for why we’re upset and help us through it. Sometimes we won’t react the way we’re supposed to when you do something lovely or something amazing happens. You casually mentioning any negative opinions on anti-depressants doesn’t help. Missing out on a job can push us into a months-long depressive period. But that doesn’t mean we can’t handle the truth or rubbish things happening.
Don’t say you’re ‘depressed’ when you’re feeling sad. If we do something wrong, criticise our actions, not us as a person. You don’t need to walk on eggshells or treat us like a delicate flower. Sometimes our down moments are prompted by something, sometimes they’re not. ’ Yes, we’re perfectly aware that there are people around the world without food and shelter.
Again, you don’t need to protect us or stay 100% positive all the time to help us through. Johnson says of male-creatures, "Giving to their partner made them feel better about themselves."Women, on the other hand, feel better when they GET support from their partners.Maybe this is why being a lesbian is so damn harrowing?Language is powerful in itself, but a depressed person will read into what you say, take it deeply personally, and analyse it for hours until it confirms every bad thing we think about ourselves. Sometimes it gets too much and we just come along to that big party/dinner with friends/lunch with your parents. We’re not being flaky, we just don’t feel like we can do it today. Please don’t endlessly question why we’re feeling so rubbish. We can feel great and think we’ve finally got through this one day, then find ourselves in a pretty dark place (in our minds. Medication can mess things up for a bit, as can, well, just being depressed. Each reason our life is brilliant feels like a little stab in our heart, asking: ‘why aren’t you happy? We feel awful about that, and we already feel like self-obsessed oversensitive arseholes for being miserable with our comparatively brilliant lives. And we don’t need anyone confirming our belief that we’re sh*tty people.If we say there’s no reason or we don’t know, we mean it. We don’t just need to turn on the light) at 2am the next night. It still feels like there’s a lot of stigma around mental illness and we’re scared of being judged. All easier said than done when your brain’s telling you to stay in bed in the dark and never, ever leave your room.