Don't overthink." It's like stabbing yourself with a knife saying "just stop bleeding" and then immediately feel better. For whoever is reading this blog, and if you are experiencing this kind of pain right now, I am telling you, I know it's hard. But I want you to think and reminisce of the things you used to do when you are happy. Do the things that you think can make you feel better. If you think, those people who judged you while you are battling with depression, they just don't know what you're going through.I just wanna lash out on them, tell them that IT'S NOT THAT EASY. And it's okay to feel that they will never understand because there's someone up there who completely understands you and care for you. When there are times that depression is hitting you again, just keep in mind that God is looking at you.
Ang kanilang paraan ng pagsakripisyo ay ang pag-aalay ng dugo sa kanilang mga Diyos.
That time, I just know that I am terribly sad and lonely. It's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It's caring about everything then caring about nothing. After that, I came back to my depressed self again. Be it when you're in the middle of the night, half way through a laugh , everywhere... But deep within me, I wanted to tell them that I AM NOT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. I want to tell them so bad about myself but I'm afraid that they won't understand me and I'll feel rejected afterwards. It's like my whole world was covered with darkness and I am all alone in that place. That time, I have no motivation to save myself from drowning anymore.
Not even once crossed in my mind that I might be going through depression. It's feeling everything at once then being numb afterwards. I am like living in a body that is fighting hard to survive but with a mind that tries to die. Nobody is hearing my cries of pain and my call of help. But you know what hurts the most, is when you know and you pity yourself for appearing and showing everyone else that you are okay. Tell Him about your concerns, feel Him in your heart.
Until now, I can't find any patient who wore that archbar.
It took 2 months before that god-damn archbar was removed. I was really frustrated.(to be continued)Feel free to ask questions.